THE LIST OF PEOPLE TO BE DRAGGED AGAINST A LARGE STONE WALL AND SHOT LIKE RABID DOGS AND WHY THEY SHOULD BE DRAGGED AGAINST A LARGE STONE WALL AND SHOT LIKE RABID DOGS WHEN I TAKE OVER THE WORLD IS AS FOLLOWS:

1. Bjork: For whininess
2. Tori Amos: For wanting to be Bjork
3. Mr. Rogers: For making me want to own a different pair of boots solely for the purpose of going into my kitchen
4. Gandhi: Just because
5. Whoever invented Spandex and Lycra: I think this is self-evident
6. Scary Spice: For forever ruining the word "scary" in my mind
7. Jim Morrison: For having a crappy band that plays crappy songs which were crappily transformed from crappy poems. Yes, I realize he is already dead. I will just have my men tie him to the wall and riddle his corpse with bullets.
8. Anyone who has ever appeared on the Jerry Springer show: Killing these people is in the best interest of the gene pool.
9. Morissey: See Bjork
10. Alicia Silverstone: I just think she'd make a sexy corpse
11. Barney: In the interest of curbing evil
12. The Teletubbies: For making kids think it's OK to be a retard that watches sooo much TV that the TV fuses with their body
13. Bill Gates: For inflicting Windows on the world. And you can bet your ass I will have him shot with a Linux-compatible bullet.
14. Whoever Designed One Way Roads: For making driving around downtown such a ROYAL BITCH
15. WinNT Sysadmins: I hate PC job titles, and WinNT System Administrator is just a PC way of saying "Pain In My Ass"
16. Everyone who has bitched about #7
17. Hanson: Hey, even Tyrants need amusement
18. Dennis Leary: He's an asshole.
19. KMFDM: KMFDM sucks.
20. The man who writes the storylines for Melrose Place: See #11
21. David Hasselhoff: And then his body gets thrown to the sharks.
22. Pamela Anderson/Lee/Whatever: Just so I can remove her breast implants and use them for provocotively post-modern living room furniture (not unlike the much-acclaimed "bean bag" of the 60's) [Webmasters Note: Since their removal, I have been searching eBay weekly looking for them. If anyone knows where they are being auctioned off, let me know.]
23. The Brady Bunch: What a fucking waste of skin. "Special! Live! Sunday, sunday sunday, in the areeeennnnaaaaa of DEATH! Cindy Brady, shot at 20 yards with repeated shots from a 410 shotgun! But this is not ordinary ammo... We've replaced the pellets with... ROCK SALT! Yes ladies and gentlemen, pure ROCK SALT! Tickets will be $25 and will be available through TicketMaster" 
24. The little voices: Ummm... Forget I mentioned those...
25. The man who wrote the law that says I have to wait two weeks to get a handgun
26. That old bitch that cut me off this morning on Speedway
27. The other old bitch with her
28. John Denver: Bring him back from the dead, kick him in the nads, burn him until he is a quivering pile of exposed, puscoverd, blistered muscle tissue, and then fuck him up the ass with his guitar until he dies from internal bleeding. And then piss on the corpse.
29. Colonel Sanders: For putting an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave for it nightly, smartass. (It is rumoured that this chemical is his sperm)
30. Ross Perot: For looking like Mr. Potato Head
31. Tipper Gore: Patriot Advisory: This Cunt Will Make You Nauseus
32. A Certain Stinky Bastard: You know who you are, Leo Boy.
33. Mansonites that wear American flags for dresses: I'm just expressing my First Amendment right to burn a flag.
34. Everyone in the Balboa Heights Neighborhood Association: Let's just release a pack of ravening, bloodthirsty demons, hellbent for rape and mayhem. And let's give 'em machetes, too. And huge buttplugs(you know, the ones that are the size of a twelve year old boys head).
35. Lion tamers: No whip. No chair. And no key to the cage they're locked in. Who's taming who?
36. Circus midgets: They are frightening on a level I cannot begin to comprehend, much less explain.
37. Old people: They should be rendered down for all their essential nutrients, vitamins, minerals, and amino acids, to be used for the good of the Collective.
38. Squamps: You know who you are.
39. Anyone that uses the word "goth" in their E-mail address.
40. Anyone who has ever said "WebTV is the future!!!!!".
41. Any man who has ever gone to a strip club in hopes of getting laid.
42. Professional Wrestlers: Because Cobweb told me to.
43. People that piss and moan about my lack of updates. 
44. People that piss and moan over the updates once their done.
45. People that piss and moan for any reason they can think of.
46. Clowns.
47. Anyone that has a spinning ankh, dripping blood bar, or god-awful .MIDI file integrated into their(invariably crappy) web page.
48. Anyone that not only falls under #47, but also has the temerity to call themselves a "web designer".
49. Anyone born on February 30 or 31.
50. Sad kids who honestly believe they are vampires.
51. Sad kids who don't honestly believe they are vampires, but think it will score them Social Bonus Points if they pretend like they do.
52. Any peer group that assigns Social Bonus Points for #51.
53. People that call Budweiser, Schlitz, and Rolling Rock either A) 'beer' B) 'lager' or C) anything but 'swill'
54. Orgy, because I like sucking up to Nyx.